Water Ch. 3 - Never Say Goodbye

(Circa 2011)  Beth had to pull away, she had to stop what was about to happen.  She wants nothing more than to make love with him, she wants to feel ever inch of him feeling every inch of her.  She could remember how wonderful he felt and how wonderful he made her feel.  She remembers how sweet he tasted and how great they were together.  She wanted all of that, right now!  But she didn't want to hurt like she did before and she knows that this will not end well.
She eases herself away from Jon and looks at him with tears in her eyes.  She can't talk, the lump in her throat is too big.  Fixing her blouse, she scoots off the end of the bed. 


"Hey, where are you going?  Don't walk away." he pleads as Beth walks to the window.  He knows she's hurting and he knows he's the reason.  He just can't help himself.  He loves her and wants to be with her.  He slides over and sits on the edge of the bed, adjusting himself from the moment he just shared with the love of his life.

 

With his elbows on his knees, he looks over to her and says, "Do you really want me to go?"  He didn't want to hear her answer.  He knows what she's going to say.  He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay with her.  He knew she would be gone tomorrow - this was his chance.

 

"I think it's best if you do, we can't get into this again, Jon." she can't even look at him.  She watches his reflection in the window.  He drops his head.  And that breaks her heart even farther.  "You know you shouldn't be here.  We let it get farther than it should have."  Her tears roll down her cheeks and she starts to cry harder.

 

"Can we just sit here and talk, spend some time together before you leave tomorrow?" he says with the sound of a man with a broken heart.  "We can just visit and catch up." 

 

"We have already caught up, you are up to date on what I have been up to.  What more is there to talk about?, she questions him, knowing there is no right answer to that.  She turns around and looks at him and he looks at her.

 

"Please come and sit down by me.", he wanted her as close as she was willing to get.  And right now, he didn't know what she was willing to do.

 

Looking at him and seeing the pain in his face, she knew he was hurting too.  She walked over and sat down next to him.  He turned his body to face her and grabbed her hands.  "I want you to know, I never meant to hurt you.  I would have died before causing you this pain.  I love you, I have loved you for the last 6 years - you know that, right?" 

 

"I know you love me, I have never questioned that.  But you did hurt me, you hurt me deeply.  It took me a long time before I could even look at pictures of us together.  I had to pretend you were dead.  I still hurt and will hurt.  I don't think I listened to ANY of your music until maybe 2 months ago."  Beth is exhausted as she tells him this.  She wants to just lay down and sleep - her mind was in overload.  She lays back on the bed and closes her eyes.  I can't cry anymore, I can't do this again.  Why did you open the door?  Why did you let him in again?  She thinks to herself.

 

Jon sits beside her and starts to rub her thigh.  She doesn't want him to stop, she wants him to stop.  She wants him to leave, she wants him to stay.  They just freeze in that moment of time. 

 

At some point in the night, Beth woke up and found herself wrapped in a blanket and wrapped in Jon's arms.  He was sound asleep and they were at the foot of the bed.  Beth couldn't believe he was still there.  Why didn't he leave when she fell asleep?  She laid there for a few moments and pondered what to do.  She loved the way she felt, she loved the way he felt holding her.  She always felt safe in his arms no matter what chaos laid around them.  She knew she was safe.  She rustled a little bit thinking that if she moved, he would and she could get out of his hold.  But moving just made him hold her tighter.  She was able to look at the time on her watch. 4:30.  How long have we been sleeping?

 

Beth manages to wiggle free from the death grip of the sleeping ex boyfriend and makes it into the bathroom.  She closes the door quietly before turning the light on.  In the bright and honest truth of the bathroom light, she sees a woman that has had a hard night.  She had a little bit of comfort knowing he was out there laying on her bed.  But that comfort quickly disappears when she thinks of what today will bring.  Again, they will have to go their separate ways and go back to the way of life that she has grown used to.  Not the life she wanted, but it's the life that was handed her.  She knew she would miss him again, think about him all the time and wish she could go back in time.

 

She turned around and started the shower, praying that the sound of the water wouldn't wake Jon up.  She wanted to get ready for work and sneak out before he woke up.  She drops her skirt and panties and steps out of them.  Unbuttons her shirt and lets it fall to the floor.  She reaches up and removes her cami, letting that fall on the floor too.  Stepping into the shower she stands there and just lets the water wash away her fears.  That was only temporary.  Wanting to leave before he woke up, she knew she had to hurry.  She washes her hair and has a heck of a time getting all bobby pins out of it that she forgot were in it.  She took her hair down when she got back from dinner, but didn't take all of the pins out.  It was holding it up just enough for her.  One by one, she picks out all six and continues washing her hair.  Rinsing it, she just stands in the stream and let's the water run all over her body.  Conditions her hair and then washes her body.  She knew she should shave, but time wasn't on her side.  She needed to get showered, get pretty and get out.  All before her Mr. Right woke up. 

 

She dries off as quickly as she can.  Throws her hair in a towel and grabs the hotel robe to put on.  She creeps out to get her overnight bag that she should have taken in with her. She peeks over at the hot rock star and he is still sound asleep.  She goes back into the bathroom and gets ready for work.  Not being able to use the hairdryer, she needed a simple hair style for the day.  What better than a ponytail with a pretty bow.  That will work, she thought.  She slipped on her tights, the ones with the line up the back, and when she did she thought Jon loves these.  She finishes getting dressed, puts her face on and gathers her things.  When she walks back out of the bathroom, she peaked around the door to see if he was still sleeping.  Thankfully, he was.  She mouses around collecting all of her personal belongings and put them in their perspective bags.  She wanted Jon to think that she was gone, not coming back to this hotel.  When she does one last look around, the rock star stirs.  She freezes, please don't wake up, please don't wake up she's silently begging him.  He settles and goes back to sleep.  With all over her stuff in her hands she's ready to leave. 

 

She pauses to look back at the man laying on the bed.  She so badly wanted to be laying there next to him, in his arms.  He managed to find a pillow and he looked rather comfortable. I want to kiss him goodbye, but I know it will wake him up, she thought.  She turned, opened the door and left.  She walked as fast as she could to her car.  She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.  She was leaving the only man she had ever loved, the only man she wanted.  Putting her stuff in the backseat of her Mercedes, she looked over her shoulder to be sure he wasn't following her, and he wasn't.  She got in her car and left the hotel.  Once she got her bearings and familiarized her self with the area she decided to go to the IHOP in Keyport, because Jon might wake up and look for her at the Broadway Diner. 

 

The IHOP in Keyport, NJ is pretty dead at 5:30 in the morning.  Beth was pleased to see that there were so few people in there.  She grabbed her purse and her laptop case, because she had a fiscal report that needed to be sent to her boss in less that 3 hours, and made her way inside.  She found a corner booth and had a seat.  The waitress came over and greeted her.  "Good Morning, can I get you something to drink?"  As she places a menu down on the table.   

 

"Can I get a cup of the strongest coffee you have and a glass of water, with lime please?" Beth politely asks.  The waitress writes it down, says "Sure thing, I'll get that right now." and walks off to go get it.  Beth takes he laptop out of it's case and turns it on.  She begins the report that she needs to do and cannot focus on the task at hand.  She can't stop picturing the man she left, laying in that hotel room.  He had on tight, but not too tight, Levi's jeans and a red button down shirt, buttoned just far enough up to where it drove all the women crazy and his cowboy boots.  She smiles thinking about it and is quickly brought back to reality when the waitress delivers her coffee and water. 

 

"Ma'am, can I get you anything else?  Something to eat maybe?" the waitress says quietly.  She could sense that Beth was distracted.

"No, I think I'm all set.  Thank you though." as she looks around the table to be sure there is sugar on the table for her coffee.  The waitress takes her cue and walk away.

Beth takes a sip of her coffee and starts plugging numbers into an Excel spreadsheet, while gathering information from a few sources off of her companies server.  Beth is good, hell, she's great at what she does but it's not her passion.  Beth can run circles around the other associates and never makes an issue out of long hours or working weekends.  Click, click, click - this report is coming together nicely for her.  She was even able to get her mind off of Jon for a few minutes and she really needed that.

She continues drinking her coffee, gathering facts and inputting figures into Excel.  The waitress comes back over and asks her if she needs or would like anything else.  Beth politely smiles and says, "No thank you, I think I'm ready for the check."  The waitress smiled back and said, "Don't worry about the cup of coffee.  It's on the house.  You looked like you could really use it, no offense."  Beth took no offense to it, as a matter of fact she was pleasantly surprised by the waitresses generosity.  Beth thought to herself, If she knew where I had just come from, the poor girl would take me out and by me shots, and then take me to get my head examined.  Beth thanked the waitress and started to gather her things.  She quickly composed an email and sent the report that she needed to, to her boss.

Looking at her watch, she realized it was only 7:00.  She doubted any of her customers would be in the office just yet.  So she decided to head back to the Red Bank area and maybe walk by the river?  Putting her computer and other stuff in it's bag, he phone rang.  It was face down on the table, so she picked it up and looked at it.  It said JON.  Her heart sank, if it could have gone any lower than her toes, it would have.  She didn't know what to do.  He must be pissed, he woke up and she was gone.  She didn't leave a note, or anything!!  She dismissed the call and got up and out of IHOP.  Walking to her car, she realized it was going to be a beautiful day.  The voicemail indicator rang.  Oh shit, he left a voicemail she thought.

Once she was in her car and situated, she listened to her voicemail.  Her heart was pounding, practically out of her chest as she heard his voice, "Hey babe, I wish you would have woke me before you left.  I didn't get the chance to say goodbye.  Please give me a call when you get this." She just sat there and looked at her phone.  She couldn't delete the message.  She listened again.  Yet, still couldn't delete the message.  She started her car and headed back down to Red Bank.  It was a 12 mile ride, but down the GSP it was a beautiful morning ride. 

The first client was a small investment firm.  She just wanted to go so that they could put a face to the voice, on the other end of the phone.  She only talked to many of her clients on the phone,so meeting them in person made her feel like she had an advantage over her competitors.  Not only did she take the extra time, but she was an attractive woman with a head on her shoulders.  In her own mind, she would be quite the catch for any man.  Even a rockstar.