Water Ch. 5 - Complicated

(Circa 2011)  Relieved knowing she had all the work done that she had to do, she could get her jammie's on and relax a little while before attempting to sleep.  She had a great day meeting with clients and she felt good about that.  She was always happy when work was going well and it could take her mind off her past, and her broken heart.  However, most days it was a temporary fix and now that she has seen Jon again, she's going to have to work twice as hard to get a moment of mental peace.  She grabbed the remote and started surfing the channels. The stations in Red Bank were the same as home so she was able to find her favorite shows, for Thursday night. 


She liked being ready for bed before the sun went down, yet she felt guilty - she could have gone for a run, if she would have brought her running shoes.  She could go work out in the gym, in her socks.  Or she could just sit back, relax and just let the evening do with her what it wants.  She grabs the pillow that Jon was sleeping on this morning and brings it to her face.  She can smell him just like if he was there.  She inhaled, slowly letting the emotions connected to that scent get to her.  Her eyes started to water and anger quickly followed.  Still holding the pillow, she lays down with it and just starts to sob.  Sleep is not very far away.

 

She was later woken up by the slight touch on her arm.  Startled, scared practically to death she sprung up to a sitting position, swinging.  Who was touching her?  OMG, who is in my room?  When she was able to open her eyes and focus, to see who was touching her, she seen Jon.

 

"Jesus Christ Jon, what are you doing?  Trying to give me a heart attack?"  She was pissed, but a little more scared.  Being woke up like that is a terrible thing.  "What in the hell are you doing here?"  She looks over at the clock at it say 1:15.

 

He's laughing, not that he scared her, but how she looked when she was scared.  "I'm sorry babe, I wanted to see you."

 

"How did you get in here?", she wondered.  She knows the door was locked, but she didn't hook the chain.  Damn it!!

 

"When I left this morning I stopped at the front desk to pay your bill.  They said that you were booked through the weekend.  I paid the bill and asked for a second key.  They gave me one.  Why wouldn't they?"  He says, with the 'I'm Jon Bon Jovi' look.  Beth is outraged.  Beth is furious.

 

"How did you know I'd come back here tonight?  I took all of my stuff with me, just in case I decided to head home."  questioning him on his motive.  She wasn't calming down, not only was she still a little shaky from being scared awake, now she's pissed.

 

"I know you.  I seen what you had in here and I knew you would come back.  You looked like you needed the break.  I tried calling you, but you didn't answer so after my show I drove through the parking lot and seen your car."  He's acting like he has solved one of the worst mysteries of all time.

 

"My phone is probably dead", she looks around and can't even see her phone.  Damn, where's my phone?  She continues, "Why are you here?"  Giving him the 'stink eye'.

 

"I told you I needed to see you, I wanted to spend time with you.  Why is that so hard to believe?  Better yet, why is it so fucking hard to accept?"  He's a little irritated because she continually asks WHY.  She knows why - he loves her. "And why did you leave me here without saying goodbye?"

 

Laying back on the bed, on the pillow that still smelled like him, she mumbles, "We said goodbye two years ago, Jon."

 

He didn't know what to say to that.  She was right.  He ended their relationship as abruptly as he started it, and he's regretted the later part for far too long.  He needs to make it up to her, he thought.

 

Feeling brave and confident in the fact that she still loves him, Jon takes a leap of faith and lays down beside her.  Beth pulled the blankets up, as her pajama's were silk and gorgeous.  She didn't want him to see her in her pajamas.  He was on his right side facing her, with his head on his hand.  He reaches over and moves some of her bangs from her eyes and says, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

 

Beth doesn't want to respond, she doesn't want to get sucked in.  She knows it will only be one maybe two more touches and she's putty in his hands.  "If you love me so much, how could you do what you did to me?  How could you take you away from me like that?  That's not love Jon."  She's finally getting the chance to say things that she's only thought of saying over the last two years.  She pushes herself up a little in the bed, so she's resting on the headboard.  Letting herself feel the emotion that she was entitled to.  She never got to talk to him when he ended it.  He ended it and he was gone. 

 

"There is no reason valid enough in this world for what I have done to you.  Absolutely nothing.  But you have to remember how things were at the end, remember how crazy it got?  How Dorothea and her family were.  Babe, it was worse than you know.  I only let you in on the little stuff.  And I don't want to get into all of that right now.  I just need you to know how very sorry that I truly am.  How can I make it up to you?"  he says with such passion.  A passion she remembered him having when they were together.  A passion she could see when he would talk about his children, when he would talk about her, about them.

 

She is sitting upright now, because she is getting a little angrier.  She's made up her mind, she has one question to ask him, just one.  She turns to look at him, to look him in the eye and she says, "What did I do to deserve the treatment that I got?  What?  Huh, Jon?  What made me the enemy and what made you turn and run like that?"  It turned out being more than one, but it was all under the same premise.  She waited on baited breath for whatever 'excuse' he could come up with.

 

Jon has never lied to her, that she was ever made aware of.  So, whatever reason he has, whatever he is going to tell her, she'll believe it to be the truth.  She has no reason not too.  There is a long silence when Jon finally breaks it and says, "Okay, this is the jist of it.  I got scared.  Literally, got scared.  You and I were in that perfect place, my kids were loving you and Dot was going to let me go - no problems.  I kept thinking that something was going to go wrong.  Who would not fear that?  Fear something was going to go wrong?"  Beth could not believe the words that were coming out o this mouth.  Scared?  Did he just say scared?  Scared?  Really, he got fucking scared? she's thinking.

 

He has her full attention now.  She is no longer distracted by the fact that he's wearing a blue button up shirt that makes his eyes pop and that he's wearing tight Levi's that make other things pop.  She is no longer distracted by his beautiful face and the delicious way he smells.  She is all ears..........

 

"What do you mean you got scared?"  she demands an answer.  She's almost mocking him.  "You got scared and you couldn't talk to me about it?  You got scared and just tucked your tail and ran.  No regard as to how that felt to me, no regard to what it did or was going to do to me?  You got scared!?!?!?", she's a little louder than usual and she hears herself and takes it down a notch. 

 

Jon sits up on the bed, Indian style and says "Keep going, I deserve it.  Mock me all you want, yell at me as long as it takes, slap the piss out of me if it will help - but please don't stop talking."  And he means every word.  He knows his Beth enough to know how this was going to play out - or so he thought.  He will soon learn that he doesn't know her anymore.  She has grown as a woman and has changed a few things.  Working in the dog eat dog industry that she does, she no longer wears her heart on her sleeve.  She no longer allows herself to be walked on or stepped over.