Water Ch. 94 - Rosie

Jon can't remember having butterflies like he has right now.  They just dropped the kids off at Matt's house, so the kids could play for a little while.  Jon called Matt from the plane and asked if he could keep the kids for a little bit, explaining that he needed to talk to their mother, and it wasn't something that he wanted the kids there for.  Naturally Matt agreed, he loved having the kids over.   He usually got in trouble for feeding them too much sugar, but he didn't care.  He was the coolest uncle, in his mind.

In the backseat of the car, on the Garden State Parkway, Beth is a little dazed and staring out the window.  She turns to look at him when she feels the softness of his hand.  "Are you sure you're up for this?" he questions, because she's been so quiet.  He doesn't want her to go with him, if she isn't 100% sure she's ready to deal with the Bongiovi love and excitement.

"I am up for this.  It will be fine, will YOU stop worrying?" she grips his hand pulls him in her direction.  She lets them get nose to nose and adds, "I love you and that's all that your mom wants to know.  A baby will just add to my love for you, how could she not be thrilled with this?" 

"Baby, I know.  And I also know my ma.  She'll love you and hug you and kiss you and squeeze you."  He laughs at his dated attempt at humor and Beth just gives him a look.  She is not familiar with the reference, so she lets it go.  He kisses her then rests his head on her shoulder.  She reaches up and put her hand on his cheek.  "Do you have any idea what you mean to me?" 

She gently pats his face and says, "Not as much as you mean to me."  He looks up at her, with just his eyes, he lacks the nerve of moving from under her hand, and smiles a smile that stops millions in their tracks.

"Do you really think that?  After what you have put me through, there is no way." He chuckles, thinking of how he thought he almost lost her and what that whole thing did to him and to them.  He's certain that the love he feels for he goes much deeper than your average love, he loves her heart, mind, body and soul.

"About that time Jon, when I was hurt and had the brain bleed; did I ever tell you about the dream I had?" Resting her head on his, still holding his face in her hand.  He shakes his head no.

"I had a dream, the night we stayed in the hospital about having a baby.  We had a little boy, and what I remember most about the dream was the color of his eyes.  His eyes were so blue, they looked frozen.  He was perfect in every way.  Blue like yours, but much more blue.  He had a little patch of blond hair in the back and the sweetest little cry." She takes a deep breathe and  continues with, "I remember we went home from the hospital and went to my place in the city.  But when we got there, Brian was there." 

Jon sits up, "Brian?  Why was Brian there?" he asks her, shocked by what he had just heard.

Expressing her lack of information, she shrugs her shoulders and says, "I have no idea.  And when we walked in and Brian was there, I woke up.  I woke up in a panic over the thought of having a baby.  I wonder now, if maybe Brian was trying to tell me something?" she suddenly feels a little saddened by the thought of Brian, but shares with Jon something she heard a long time ago about a loved one passing.  "After Brian died I would talk to his mom and his grandma quite a bit.  They both had had dreams about Brian after her died, and I never did.  When I was telling his grandmother that I hadn't had a dream with him in it yet, she told me that when I was ready to let him go, I would finally dream about him."  She straightens up in the car seat and looks at Jon, trying to read the expression on his face.  She could see that what she had just said touched him in some way.  Was he thinking about a loved one that passed or was he looking at her like she had lost her damn mind?

"That whole day, after the dream, I felt such a peace that I couldn't tell you about it because I was afraid that if I shared it, it would lose some of the meaning, the feeling.  But now that we're pregnant, I wonder if I read the meaning wrong?  Was the dream to let go of Brian, or was the dream Brian's way of telling me he approved, was he telling me that we were going to have a baby, or was it the drugs?"  She laughs, thinking the last possibility sounded like the most logical one.  Beth isn't one to believe in the afterlife, spirits or the paranormal - but did the dream mean something?

Still sitting as close as he can to her, without being on her lap, he looks out the window on his side of the car, head on her shoulder again and says, "I want to believe it was all of the above.  I want your dream to mean the happiest that it can mean.  I want to know that you have let him go, I believe he approves of your choice in me and he was telling you that we we're going to have a baby."  Now he sits up and looks at her, her lips, her nose and stopping at her eyes, "I want to know that you love me half as much as you did him."

Stunned and going with her feelings, she tells him, "Jonny, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, except maybe for this little thing growing in my belly.  My love for you is so different than my love for Brian was.  I feel the dream was all of the above, on some level."  She takes a sip of the coffee that she's had since they landed, and follows up with, "Brian was my first love.  You are my final love.  I want no one but you.  Shit, I can't imagine my life without you now."  She sees the glimmer in his eye sparkle again.  Knowing that she had diffused a situation that could have gone a completely different way, she lays down across the car seat and puts her head on his lap.  He rests one hand on her head, playing with her hair and the other on her hip, running her hip and buttocks. 

"Tell me, how do you move on after a loss like that?" Jon's not lost a love, really not anyone in his life.  The loss of his childhood mentor, and his managers daughter nearly took him out, but he can't imagine losing the love of his life.  The blood clot scared the hell out of him and when he thinks back to that terrible day he gets a knot in his stomach and he feels like he wants to vomit.

Beth rolls over so she's on her back across the back seat of the car, head on Jon's lap and her shoeless feet up on the window.  "I hope the driver doesn't mind my foot prints on the glass." she makes a funny face.  He winks at her and can't believe that he has found someone so much like himself.  "To lose someone that close is unimaginable.  I can't even put it into words for you.  But, I'll try.  Imagine someone reaching down your throat and pulling out your heart and soul.  You try to stop it, but there is nothing you can do.  The first weeks are hell.  It never gets easy, it gets manageable.  I wouldn't wish any of it on even my worst enemy."

"What did you do, you seem to have come out the other side okay." he rethinks what he just said and corrects himself, "I don't mean okay, I look at you and think that you came out stronger, how did you do it?"  He starts to rub her belly again and is really loving the idea that they are going to have a baby.  "How did you not lose your mind?"

She glances up at him, placed her hands on his and tells him, "I buried myself in my work.  I worked 20 hours a day, and sometimes I slept in his office.  Paul would come in in the morning and make me go home.  So, I'd go home and work from home.  For a while, I worked out alot, too much actually.  Made myself sick.  That's one thing you'll learn about me, Jon - I borderline obsesses about things.  I needed to work, because I hated being at home.  Then one day, it kind of hit me like a mack truck; Brian wouldn't want me to live like I was.  He would be very disappointed in the way I was going."  She sits up and faces Jon, placing her feet on his lap.  "One day, I wrote him a letter and told him how I felt.  I told him how angry I was at God, how mad I was that I didn't stop him from going to his bachelor party, how angry I was at his family for forgetting about me so soon.  I also told him how much I missed him, wished he was still with me and told him I wanted to die; just to be with him again.  It seemed like once I got all of that out, I felt so much better.  And when I burned it in the kitchen sink, I felt that my thoughts would drift up to heaven and Brian would know them."  She is looking for some type of reaction, waiting for a response to that, because if THAT didn't make him think she was crazy, nothing she ever did or will do will alter what he thinks about her. 

Jon is rubbing her feet and he legs, looking at her with a sympathetic smile on his face.  He doesn't know what to say to what she just said, because it made sense to him.  He knows that she is a strong women, but no one needs to be that strong on their own.  "Does it hurt you to talk about it?"  He really wonder, because she just chatted a mile a minute and a few weeks ago, she cried when she would talk about him. 

Taking another sip of her coffee, her decaf nasty coffee, she waits to see if he's going to continue, but after the lengthy silence, Beth chimed in, "That's what's so crazy about the dream I had in the hospital Jon, I can talk about him and my eyes don't burn.  There is no lump in my throat, I feel like my sadness left with him when he came to me in my sleep.  He visited me to take that burden away and free me to be the best mommy and wife I can be.  He always put me first and to know that he'd still do that, in death, so I can be with another man and have another man baby - that had to be his final goodbye to me."  she rambles on, with glimpses of happiness on her face and in her body language.  She makes Jon so happy, through and through.

The car slows down as it enters a gated community on the Jersey Shore.  They are almost to the Bongiovi's house and Beth can see that Jon is getting what looks like excited.  Beth sits up and slips her shoes on, knowing they were almost there.  She makes sure she has everything, she so good at leaving stuff behind.  Sunglasses, cell phone, briefcase - she's always in such a hurry, she gets forgetful.  They have everything and are just waiting for the car to stop.

"No backing out now, babe.  We are going to make my mothers day." he leans back and kisses her. 

She puts her arms around him and whispers in his ear,"We're going to have a baby.  And don't leave me alone with you mom just yet."

The car stops and the driver gets out, opens the door and Jon and Beth exit the car.  Jon hands the guy $50.00 and says, "Thank you."  And they walk into the house.

"Ma, are you here?  Ma?"  Jon bellows through the house.  They hear nothing.  Jon, is walking around looking for either parent, while checking out their new house.  They had moved a few weeks ago, but Jon hasn't been there to see it yet.  When they get to the kitchen, Jon sees his dad.  "Hi, pops."  Jon's dad looks to his son and says, "Hey there!"  Walks over and hugs both Beth and Jon.  He was in the kitchen popping popcorn for a snack.

"Where's mom?"

Dad looks at Beth and asks, "Can I get you anything, Beth?"  Beth shakes her head no, and says, "Thank you though."

"You're mother is walking on the beach.  She takes Cooper out there so he can go swimming.  I'm sick of the dog hair in the pool."  And he laughs.

"We're going to go say Hi.  We'll be right back."  Jon grabs his intendeds hand and escorts her out the back door and through the garden, to the gate that was wide open.  They get a few yards out onto the beach and they see Jon's mom, down the shore a little bit. They stand there for a minute, holding hands and Jon gets an idea.

Looking around he sees a stick and grabs it.  He writes in the sand, 'We're having a baby.'  With his hands on Beth's shoulders he puts her in position above the message and says, "When she walks up to us, she'll see this first.  She will love it."  Beth looks at him like he was odd, but loved the idea.  How creative and original, she thought.  But it is Jon Bon Jovi.  He has many great and original ideas.

They stand there for a few minutes while Mrs. B walks her way up the beach.  Cooper is following her, just far enough in the water so hes wet up to his belly.  When Mrs. B sees that it Jon and Beth standing there, she picks up her pace a little bit.  As she approaches, Beth mumbles, "Are you sure about this?"  He moves in behind her and wraps his arms around her.  With his hands folded, over their baby.

He's smiles at his mom as she gets closer and they hear her say, "What are you ........." and she sees the writing in the sand.  She looks at them, Jon still behind Beth resting his head on her shoulder, smiles  bigger.  And so does Beth.  Mrs. B reads the sand again and looks back at the both of them.  Mrs. Bongiovi is now smiling.