Water Ch. 113 - If That's What It Takes

Going through her things trying to decide what to take and what not to take wasn't so easy, once she got to Brian's things.  She didn't have much left, but what she had was special to her.  She's in her room going through her cedar chest and she comes across some pictures, their diplomas from school, his brokers license and a copy of their marriage license application; amongst other things.  Reaching in she sees one of his old hoodies, a Harvard hoodie, that she used to wear when they would walk the beach.  The last time it was worn, he had it on.  He packed it for his bachelor party, wearing it the day before he died. 

When she went to get the contents out of her car at the state police impound yard, she seen it in his bag.  After she had taken out of the car the things that she wanted, she sat in her car with her dead fiancees' belongings.  She took that hoodie out and sat there and just smelled it.  Even after the wreck and the car being in impound, it still smelled of his cologne.  A scent she will never forget.  Holding it to her face, she cried into the hoodie for what seemed like hours.  She could not believe that her fiancee was dead and he wouldn't be there for Thanksgiving or any other holiday.  All she could say is why?  Her and Brian had been so in love and now he was gone.  Her healing was lengthy and hard - which is why she buried herself in her work.  Numbers filled her void and kept her mind off of Brian.   She was missing half of herself, she was missing half of her life, and all of her mind.  She sought the help of a therapist in dealing with the anger, not only with God and with Brian, but with his friends.  At first she blamed them, and then God.....someone had to be responsible for the pain she felt.  Someone.

With the hoodie in her hand, she kneels on the floor and takes it out of the bag she kept it in.   In her hands she brings the hoodie to her face and smells it, and her heart skips a beat.  The scent memory could have been too much for her, but as she inhaled the scent of her dead lover, she is reminded of the one she has now.  Feeling a little overwhelmed and confused by what she was feeling, she got up and went to find Jon.  He was still on the patio.  He was sitting there watching people walk by and he loved that no one knew it was him.  Beth finds him and he can see that she's been crying.  He stands up and greets her at the door.  "Hey?"  he says.  He places his hands on her shoulders, looking at her with concern.  "What's going on?"

"I found this in my cedar chest.  I forgot I even had it."  she shows Jon that it's a hoodie and he can see that there is sentiment behind it. "It was Brian's." 

He wraps his arms around her and holds her, kissing the top of her head.  "Are you okay?"  he is really concerned.  Not only does he want her to not hurt, he doesn't want her stressing because of the baby. 

"Jon, I took it out of the bag and smelled it.  My first thought when I smelled it should have been of Brian, but it was you. You were my first thought. Your smells are similar." 

Jon, not quite sure what to say just says the first thing that comes to mind, "It's nice to know he smelled good" and he was only joking.  She chuckled and smelled it again and smelled Jon.  

"I wonder if my attraction to you started because of the way you smelled?  I loved the way Brian always smelled and I about rape you when I smell you." She tells him.

"Do you want me to change cologne or my body wash?" Thinking when she smells me, she'll be thinking of Brian.

Meeting his eyes, without hesitation she says, "No.  It's funny because after all these weeks of smelling you, it didn't make me think of him, his smell made me think of you.  I love the way you both smell.  I just wanted to share that with you."  Resting her head on his chest, all she can and all she wants to say is, "I love you, Jon."

"I love you too babe.  Do you need some help?  I walked in and seen you on the floor, so I figured you might want to be alone, but I'll gladly sit in there with you."  

"I'd like that, as long as you're okay with it. I have a few things left of his that I would like to keep....do you mind?"

Holding her as tight as he can without hurting her, he tells her "Absolutely not. You keep anything you want and when we get home, I'll make sure it's safe and protected. Babe, it's part of who ad why you are you. I'd never ask you to get riff of any of it." And he guides her into the house and into her bedroom.

In the bedroom Beth kneels on the floor and Jon sits on the bed.  He's watching her touch the things of her dead lover and he can see what looks like pain in her eyes, but he can also see peace. He knows he's right where he's supposed to be and she is who he's supposed to be with. 

"Here we are in London.  We had such a fantastic time, I wish I had gone back. It was one of his favorite places." She explains as she hands Jon a photograph. "And here's Paris."

Jon looks at the pictures and he sees the Beth that he sees now. She's full of life and she has so much love to give. He wishes he could take the pain away, but he sees that's she's healed, or is still healing.  He lays on the bed, on his stomach propping himself up on his elbows. He can see into the cedar chest, but he doesn't reach for anything. He waits for her to share.  "Babe, we're going to London and Paris, are you going to be okay with that?" 

Taking out a book from the cedar chest, she looks at Jon and says, "If I'm with you, I'll be fine." And she looks back at the book.  It's a 1st edition Bukowski.  She opens it and reads the inscription, "To my forever friend and my lifetime lover. ~ Beth. She hands Jon the book and says, "This is for you."  

Taking the book and looking at its pages Jon sees it a Bukowski 1st edition and his heart jumps.  Reading the inscription, he can't help the overwhelming feeling rising in his chest. He's wanted this book for several years, he's read about it and heard about it and she has it.

"Beth, thank you so much! How did you know I was a fan? I've been looking for this for years, and it had been off the market." He sits up on the bed and puts his hands on her shoulders. "This means the world to me. Thank you." He leans over and kisses her.

"I had heard you mention it in a song and I've seen you have other books.  I heard about this through Warren Buffett and he helped me acquire it. When the owner heard it was for Jon Bon Jovi, the price went up."  She laughs about the money that she spent to get the book, but he was well worth every cent.

"How much did you spend on this babe?" He doesn't really want to know, cause he knows she spent a lot.

Beth, waving him off with her hand said, "You let me worry about that. It's a gift Jon. Cherish it." She smiles because she knows that is exactly what he will do.  When she heard that it was possibly going to go on the market, she had to wheel and deal but she was determined to get that for him.  She loved him and wanted him to have the things he wanted.

Sliding down onto the floor, wanting to be close to Beth, he rests his his knees on hers and just looks at her. "This is the best gift, ever. Thank you. And he kisses her again, with a new found passion.  She is the first in a short line of women that have actually paid attention to his likes, dislikes and his passions.

Beth continues with going through the cedar chest. Her wedding dress and ring are in there. She takes out the ring and hands it to Jon. As he's looking at that, she pulls out the wedding dress and stands up to show it to Jon. He looks at it and says, "That is gorgeous! I would live to see it on you and them take it off you."

"Jon, I was going to wear this when I married Brian." She reminds him, even though she didn't need to.

"I know, and I also know its been in your family. Beth, you wear what you want to wear, it's YOUR day.  And this ring is unbelievable, simply gorgeous." He hands Beth the box, with the ring in it and says, "Do I get to see it on you?" He winks at her.

"On our wedding day. That we need to pick." She tells him, running dates through her head.