Water Ch. 114 - Heaven Help Us

 

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Was the last thing he read to her, before  closing the book she had given him and turning off the light.  Once the light was out, he rolled over and snuggled with him mommy to be.  Softly in her ear he asks, "Are you alright?  I know it's been a long day for you."

Beth tilts her head back, he kisses her cheek and she says, "It was the day I needed.  I had to go through that stuff and face that demon head on.  While I was going through it, I realized I was letting him hold you back."  She rolls to lay on her back, turns her head to face Jon and continues with, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for keeping you at arms length. I didn't realize how big of a hold he still had on me."

"Hey," he reaches up and caresses her face, "you don't have to apologize for that. He was a major part of your life that was ripped away in the blink of an eye.  I'm just thankful that you let me in at all, I know he's still here," and he pats her chest where her heart is. "And I know in time, the more you love me the less you'll miss him."  He rests his head on her chest and starts to run her belly. Beth lays there and enjoys it, she enjoys everything he does to her and maybe more so now, that she's started to really let go of Brian.  She runs her fingers through his hair, plays with it and massages his neck.

"What time is our appointment tomorrow?" He mumbles.

"The doctor is at 9:00 and the movers will be here at 12:00.  Did you remember to get us a ride back to Jersey?" She laughs as she asks, because after the day they had she knows he forgot. 
 

Shaking his head she can see and feel that he's saying no. "I'll call in the morning. You want to go back tomorrow?"  He's a little surprised that this was a one day trip, he planned on at least 2 days. But if she wanted to go, he'd make it happen.

"I've done what we came here to do.  We can stay if you want?" She replies.

"We'll, I know we were rushed at dinner tonight with Amanda, did you want to see her again? Plus, you're sure you have what you want to hip ready for the movers?" He doesn't mean to sound like he's second guessing her, but she accomplished a lot in just a little time. He needs her to be sure.

She grabs a handful of blonde hair and asks, "Do you doubt my ability?" And she laughs.

"No, not at all. I just want you to be sure. We can stay another day."

"Jon, I'm ready to start my life with you. We can't do that in California. I want to go home and start putting all the pieces together. Let California go and move forward." 

"Ok, ok. Sorry I asked.  Are we stopping at Deloitte tomorrow?"

"When I talked to Paul this afternoon, he asked that we stop by. I told him that I didn't know what our schedule was and that I would try. We don't have to."

"Is there stuff in your office that you want to get? It was your second home."

She shakes her head no this time and tells Jon, "Tammy will box up everything ad bring it with her, if needed. We don't have to stop in, it's no big deal. Paul knows our time is limited."

Jon sits up, he sees what's going on here. "You didn't quit, did you?"

Beth smiles and says, "No I didn't. I told you I wasn't ready. I just transferred. Why?"

"I thought we discussed this already?"

"We did, and I told you I didn't want to quit working yet, remember?" She sits up in bed and now they're face to face,the  room is illuminated by the moon bouncing off the water. "I'll quit when I'm ready."

"I want you to focus all your attention on the baby and our wedding, Beth."

"I know you do, Jon. I can do that and still work.  I told Paul I was cutting my hours back, so I won't work as much."
 

"I don't like it!"

She's feeling a little irritated now, does he think he can tell her what to do?  Her gut tells her to respond, but she waits a moment; so she's not talking with her gut. She needs to talk with her heart. "I know you don't like it and I respect that, but you can't expect me to just walk away from a career I devoted my life too.  How would you feel if I told you to walk away?" And she waits.  She's not prepared for his response.

"If I had just had a closed head injury with a couple of broken bones and found out I was pregnant - I might quit. Specially if I had a man like me taking care of me.  There is no need for you to subject yourself to the stress of high finance, Beth."

"But you want me to watch and work your money?" She asks, kind of snippy.  "Jon, I'm not quitting. I'll cut my hours way back and work from home from time to time, but I'm not quitting. Is this really going to be an issue?"  Beth can feel that this isn't going to end well, so she decided to end it before it got out of control.

He takes her hands, realizing that the way he's acting is a little control freakish, and he knows that when he tries to reel her in, it makes her run away - so he's playing the opposite side today.  "Okay, I'll stop.  You know how I feel about it, so we'll just leave it at that.  Okay.  I thought you might want to redo the house before the baby came, but I know of a great designer that can do it for us."

She sighs, "Again on, it's a pregnancy, not a life threatening injury.  I can over see the remodel of the house.  Why do you underestimate me all the time?"

"What do you mean, underestimate?  I don't under estimate you, I just don't want you doing it all.  Why is that so hard for you to get?  I can provide you with everything you will ever need and want.  Why do you have to do it all?  We can employ people to do that."

"Jon, STOP!"  This conversation is going nowhere.  I'm not quitting my job, I'm going to run everyday, I can over see the remodel AND I can be a  good wife and step mother all at the same time.  You piss me off when you tell me what to and what not to do." she's getting heated.

He is looking at her with the look of shock, he cannot believe that she would talk to him like that.  She snapped and he knew he deserved it.  "Babe, I'm sorry.  I just want you with me all the time and you can't be if you're on Wall Street.  I want the kids to experience this pregnancy with us and be a part of it all.  I want you to redo OUR house the way that you want it, and you can't do it all if you're working 100 hours a week."  and he sighs, exhausted with it all.

"Honey, I won't work even close to 100 hours a week.  Deloitte will be lucky if they get 40 out of me.  I won't be the drone I was before, but I have some high profile, profitable clients that I would like to keep.  You have to understand that.  I worked my ass off to get where I am, and I will not let a man take that a way from me.'

"If it seems like I am trying to take that away from you, I'm sorry.  I just want you to give us and our family all that you can.  Is that too much to ask?  I will give you and the kids all that I have to give." he commits to her.  He thinks he may have difussed the situation.  He went after the maternal part of her, the part of her that is slowly waking up and coming to life.

"How about we talk about this tomorrow.  I'm sleepy and we have a long day."  She leans into him and kisses him goodnight.  He places his hands on her face, kisses her lips and lays her down.

"I love  you baby.  I really really love you!  Please don't be upset with me.  We'll figure this out, okay."

"Good night Jonny.  I love you too."

They lay down, in each others arms and he plays with her hair until she falls asleep.  Once she's asleep, he gets out of bed and goes down into the basement.  He sees that the piano has a red sticker on it which indicates that it stays in California.  He was suprised to see the red sticker, he thought she would take that to Jersey.  Sitting at the piano, he plays with some notes and can't stop thinking about the red sticker.  It should have a green sticker, it should be with her.  He plays a few more notes and then a few more notes and has the start of a great song.  He sits there and thinks about her and what she really means to him.  He knows their future will be fabulous, once they get through the trials and tribulations that they are about to face.

He's in the basement for about another hour, he tinkers with the song and then changes the color of the sticker in the piano.  The piano is going to Jersey with her.  She might be pissed at first, but she will see Jon's reasoning once she gets passed the anger.

Upstairs, he climbs back into bed with her and quickly drifts off to sleep.