Water Ch. 230 - Never Say Goodbye?

"I'll listen.  Go ahead." Beth says to Jon as he takes his place back on the couch.

Inhaling deeply, he starts with, "Why did you leave?  You pulled out of the driveway and I had no idea where you went.  After a few days, I figured it out."

"How?" she wonders.

He laughs, "Your cell phone bill."

Beth rolls her eyes, "Yeah, right - my cell phone."

"Are you happy?" he asks her, not knowing if he wants to know the answer.

She looks at him funny, "Why are you asking?"

"Because you look it, and honestly, I don't like it." he point blank tells her.  "I have been miserable since you left.  I've been super busy, but miserable."

"You can't put your happiness on me Jon.  Only you can make that happen."

"I tried with you."

She chuckles, "You tried?  Jesus Jon, at every turn we were in the middle of a crisis, in one form or another.  A person can only handle so much.  I mean, there has to be more good times than bad and at the end, our good times were great.  Until I found out about Melissa."

"I should have told you, I'm sorry that I didn't.  But in my defense, she really helped me see that my life encompasses more than you and I needed to regain my focus.  She also told me that I would never be truly happy unless I was with you."

"What made that night so memorable?" she asks, and the answer might kill her.

Jon thinks for a minute and tells her, "For that night, I wasn't Jon Bon Jovi the rock star, I was Jon.  She listened and gave simple advice.  I needed someone to share my thoughts with."

"How was the sex?"

Now he's laughing and tells her, "The worst I had ever had."

"Are you telling me that because that's what you think I want to hear?"

"No, it's the truth.  As soon as it was done, I called her a car and she left."

"No baby?"

He shakes his head no, and due to her false accusations, we were able to get a gag order on her and she can't talk about any of it."

Beth sits there and looks at him, he's across from her on the couch.  "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I didn't want to hurt you." he's honest with her, "Why did you run again?"

"Do you have any idea what it's like to go through all that we have, and you are the only one that I have had to talk to.  You were my rock, my sounding board and you were keeping secrets.  Jon, losing my trust in you practically killed me." she wipes a tear from her eye, "From dealing with Dot, the car accident, everything......it was too much for me.  I needed to protect my daughters and get out of the overly stressful situation.  And to look at you and question everything you have ever told me - that's what sent me over the edge."

"We could have worked through it, like we have everything else Beth." he believes that and maybe he's right? 

"Do you still see her?"

"Who?  Melissa?"

She nods her head yes. 

"No, I haven't seen her since the day she did the photo shoot."

"Are you involved with anyone or screwing people on the road?"

Jon gives her a look, but knows that he needs to be honest and open with her, even though at this point it was none of her business.  "You are the last person that I have had sex with,  that I've been with. I hear you have a new love."

"I wouldn't call him a love.  He's a good man, he treats me great and we have a good thing going."

"Do you live together?"

"Oh, no no no.  Not ready for that."

"But he's good to you?"

"Very."

"It didn't take you long to find someone, did it?" he pokes fun at her, because he loved watching her laugh.

"You didn't want to talk about Dalton, did you?" she ponders what she'll say next. 

 

"No, I want to talk about what happened with us, with you, with me.  All of it." he admits.  His anxiety is growing and he doesn't want to piss her off, but he can't sit quiet.  "You have no idea what you did the last time you left.  You crushed me and the kids."

 

"I know. And I said I was sorry.  What more do you want me to say?" she looks at him and waits. 

 

"I don't think that I want you to say anything, I want you to listen to me."

 

"Okay."

 

"You left me in the beginning of what has been called our biggest and our best tour to date.  I had to leave here, with heartbroken children and my life in shambles.  When the press caught wind of it, I did nothing but curse you - you made life so hard, for me and the kids."  He can't sit and talk  anymore, he's way too Italian.  "I know that I broke your heart, and your trust and I can not express how sorry that I am for what I did to you.  I loved you so much, I never wanted to hurt you."  His hands go through his hair.  "Beth, you were my life, my heart and you had my soul."  A deep breath, "When you pulled out of the driveway, you took the biggest part of me with you.  And when you called me and told me that my babies had died - as pissed as I was at you, I couldn't get to you fast enough." 

 

"Why didn't you tell me?  Why did I have to catch you, so to speak?"

 

"Yeah, I was going to tell you that I was intimate with another woman when we were preparing for your surgery and then the burial of our babies. There wasn't a goo time to tell you, ever."

 

"Should have kicked me when I was down." she retorts.

 

"Adults, remember?"

 

"Jon, it's all water under the bridge and I have made peace with it.  I'm not mad at you anymore.  I want you to know that I still love you more than ever and if I could change the past, I would.  But, it's not in my power." She gets up and walks over to him.  "You are and always will be the love of my life.  I love your children and they still love me.  But I can't keep living in the shadow of what I've done just like you can't.  We can only pay for our mistakes for so long Jon,, and then it just becomes cruel."  She takes his hand and looks him in the eye, "I miss you like mad and I think about you all the time.  But our lives are different now."

 

"I know, they are very different."  His hand goes up under her hair and rests on the back of her neck.  Pulling her to him, he holds her tight.  "Why do you always run away?  That has always told me that you don't love me enough to work out our problems, try to make our life better."

 

"Jon, self preservation outweighs love any day.  I needed to protect my babies, and my self.  The shards of my heart hurt and I needed to get me right before the babies arrived." She pulls back a little, not wanting to fall into the embrace and then not want to leave.  She was there to talk, and nothing more.

 

With his hand under her chin, he lifts her face and gently kisses her lips.  "Why did it have to end up this way?"

 

'Too much has happened.  Too much has been done.  Do you think we could be friends Jon?"

 

He takes a deep breath and says, "I have to be honest with you Beth.  I love you more than anything in this world, with the exception of my children, but I can't let you back in.  As much as I would love to, but you've crushed me too many times.  Being friends with you would further hurt me and I can't let that happen." 

 

"Then I guess I better go."  She takes a few steps away from him and stops.  "Is there anything you want to say?  I don't want to leave here and leave with things we didn't get to."