Beth wakes up like she has many times before, alone. And wondering where Jon is. Rubbing her eyes and yawning big, she is quickly remind of her ongoing nightmare. Her bedroom is full of sunlight and Beth welcomes anything happy. I wonder where he is?
Getting up from her slumber position, she reaches for her robe that is on her bedside chair. With it on, she ties it closed as she starts off looking for Jon. She checked the bathroom, he wasn't in there. She left the bedroom suite and went down the hallway, toward the nursery. At the door, she sees him laying on the floor in the nursery, between the cribs. She tries to walk in there, but she can't cross that threshold, she really tried. Her heart isn't letting her go into the place that she made so beautiful for her daughters. Spencer and Rowan would have loved growing up in that room; until they outgrew it. Beth made the nursery a calm and happy place, but she can't understand how Jon can be in there.
"Jon." she whispers from the doorway. She can smell the faint smell of cigarette smoke. "Jon."
He turns his head to look at her, and he has a slight smile on his face. "Good morning, how did you sleep?"
"Ok, I guess. What are you doing?" she asks, he looks like he may have slept in there for a while.
He lifts his hand to reach for her and he says, "Come in here."
"No."
"It's peaceful in here babe, come in here and sit with me, please." he lets his arm rest on the floor, using his hand to tap where he wants her to sit. Jon knows it's too hard for her, but he wants her to feel the serenity and the peace that he found by being in there all night.
Beth shakes her head no, "I'm not ready."
Jon gets up off of the floor walks over to her. Beth sees the fine shape that he is in and is quite shocked at how great he looks. Jon reaches up and moves a chunk of bangs out of Beth's eye. Leaning in he kisses her, "Good morning." And he puts his arms around her. She lets herself go a little weak in the knees and finds comfort in his arms. His strong and loving arms.
"Have you been smoking?" she questions him. She really hopes that it was just a lapse, because it was so hard for him to quit.
He nodded and admits, "I've had a few with a bottle of wine."
"Jonnn." and she pokes him in the belly. "You worked so hard to quit, don't start again."
She turns to walk away into the kitchen for coffee, hoping he had made some. When she sees the fresh pot, she yells to him, "Is this decaf?"
He hollers back to her, "Yes, I made it 15 minutes ago."
Beth pours two cups of coffee and walks back to the nursery doorway. Stopping, she asks Jon, "Do you want this?"
"Please."
"Come get it."
He has his back to her and he is looking at photographs on the wall. "Do you remember this? The day we were at the beach at your old house, just the six of us."
"Of course I remember."
"What happened to us?" he asks her, knowing she wouldn't answer him. "We were so happy. Did life really get in the way?" He turns to look at her, sullen and sad now. "Please come in here, I want to show you something."
Beth slightly shakes her head no. "There isn't anything in there I haven't seen."
"Are you afraid to come in here?" he wonders, as he walks to her to get his coffee.
"No. I'm just not ready, Jon. Can we leave it at that please?"
He walks out of the room and puts his arm around her and they walk into the kitchen, "Do you want to have coffee outside?"
"I'd like that." And they head out onto the deck off the kitchen. The wrap around wrapped all the way around her house. She had it power washed, stained, sealed and all of the edges rounded - thinking safety first for the girls. The whole house was baby proofed and ready for them to arrive.
Jon leans into her again and asks her, "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"
"No, I'm not hungry. Are you? I can make you some breakfast." Beth asks back.
He chuckles, "I don't want breakfast, thanks though. What can I do for you?"
She looks him in the eye and tells him, "Just keep talking to me. I don't like being alone with my thoughts."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"How are the kids? How is your family?" she asked questions she had wondered for weeks. She's sure that they all are fine, but it was conversation.
"Kids are great. Very busy with school. Mom and dad are great, Matt and Tony are good, too. Mom wants you to call her when you're ready."
"I'll never be ready." she rests her head in her hand.
"Yes, you will. Give yourself time, babe." he tells her, holding her hand. She knows that he's just as lost as she is, but he's being so brave and strong for her. It's a brand new side of Jon, for her. She kind of likes it. "You do need to make some decisions though."
Beth lifts her head, wondering what the hell she needed to decide. "What decisions?"
"The one that keeps going through my head is, if we are having a service for them, where do you want to have it? Here in L.A.? Where do you want their final resting place to be? Tough decisions, I know. But I want to know your wishes before the world finds out.
She's floored. Questions she had only briefly thought of, yet here they are, in her face. And she knows that she needs to answer them. She sits back in her chair and sips her coffee. Her first thought was Why am I drinking decaf? I can drink real coffee again and then she thinks about the more serious, the harder issues in her life.
"They need to be with their family Jon. There is no question on that. They need to be where they are loved, remembered and visited."
Jon's heart sinks, his first thought and his response was, "Chicago? Where your parents are?"
Beth laughed at that. That was the funniest thing that she had heard in days. "No, Jon in New Jersey. The only family they have is the Bongiovi family. I want them by their brothers, their sister, their grandparents, their uncles and their daddy."
"It's decided. That's what we'll do. My family has a plot, up by Sayreville. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes, Jon. With their family. That's all I want. I want them to be surrounded by family."
He can't stop the urge to hug her, touch her and feel her. He moves his chair in closer to hers and all he can say, is "I love you."
They bump foreheads and stay like that until Beth asks him, "Chicago? Really? Did I ever tell you about, oh no I don't think I did. When I left you in New York, my brother stopped by as I was getting ready to leave. Robbed me and hit me pretty hard. Punched me in the face and stole the bracelet you bought me."
Bortn To Be My Baby
2nd best video ever
Very sweet, heartbreaking chapter. Rowan and Spencer would have loved the room their mommy designes for them. Laying the girls to rest in Sayreville in the Bongiovi plot is where they belong.
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