Water Ch. 162 - There'd Be Nothing But Smiles, Nothing But Love

***I just reread this and teared up myself.  That's funny.***

 

 

 

With the bang of the door, Jon could hear Beth putting her Ipod and water bottle on the kitchen counter.  She had grabbed the towel off the table and wiped her brow, walking through the house looking for Jon.  She finds him in the living room with her laptop at his side.

"Hi there." she says to him, as she plops down next to him on the couch.

He smiles at her, "Should you be running?" he asks totally concerned.  It hasn't really hit him that there isn't anything she could do to hurt the babies anymore.  His thought process is all over he place and his heart breaks a little more, every time he looks at her.  She's in her pink running capri's and matching sport top.  He can see her baby bump. 

Beth leans back and takes a deep breathe, "Yeah, why not?  I ran everyday since I came back to California." 

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself, babe.  That's all." he rubs her thigh and steals a kiss.  He's always loved looking at her covered head to tow in sweat.  Her blond little wisps are stuck to her forehead and her cheeks.  Jon reaches up and slides them back.  "I missed you."

Laughing, she replies, "I was only gone 20 minutes, maybe 30.  What did you do while I was gone?"  She puts her feet on his lap and he starts to take her shoes off.  "Find what you needed with the laptop?"  He stops taking her shoes and socks off.  Holding her feet, he hangs his head.

"No, I couldn't get passed the letter that you left open."

"Letter?' she asks, forgetting that she had left it open.  And to her, it wasn't a letter, it was a poem. 

"The one about how I may be feeling through all of this." making eye contact with her hurts him right now.  He can't understand how she seems to be 'okay' right now.

"Oh, babe - I was going to print that and give that to you tonight after dinner.  Which by the way is at 8:00." she finally kicks her shoes off.  First the right one and then the left one.  They fall on the floor at Jon's feet.

"Dinner?"  he's a little shocked that they have a dinner time. 

Beth reaches down and takes her socks off, rubbing her feet together.  Dropping her socks at Jon's feet, she tells him, "Yeah, we're going to Taverna Tony.  I want a big Greek meal in my belly when I have to fast after midnight."

He doesn't like the idea of going out, but if that's what she wants, that's what she will get.  Nodding his head, he informs her, "My mom will be here in the morning.  She wants to be here for us when it's done."

Beth sits up, feet on the floor "Jon......"

"I told her no and she just argued.  Whether we want her here or not, she's going to be here. I'm sorry."

Beth doesn't let it get to her, it was minor compared to the grander scheme of things.  "It's okay.  Do we need to get her at the airport?"

"No, my plane is bringing her and I have arranged for a car to meet her at the airport.  It will bring her to the hospital.  She's all set."

Beth stands up and says, "Well, I better get the guest bedroom ready.  Your mom will the first guest to stay in there."  And off she goes.  Jon sits there, baffled by Beth's actions.  Is she in denial?  Beth shouts back to Jon, "Don't forget dinner  at 8:00."

Jon puts his head back and rubs his face with the palms of both hands.  He's so tired and even more than anything, he's scared.  He is so scared about what's going to happen tomorrow.  He's never had to go through anything like this, and he only hopes that he can be half the man that Beth will need him to be.

He gets up and goes into Beth's office and grabs a yellow note pad that she had on her desk top.  Snatching up a pen, he takes them both and goes into the girls bedroom and sits in the Lazy Boy that was between the windows.  He needed to get his thoughts and feelings on paper, while they are real and raw.  The last few weeks until now have been harder on him than he thought, and when he thinks about what is about to come; he puts his heart on paper. 

 

I get up every morning, drink coffee alone
My house it's too quiet, I'm the only one home
I let the newspapers pile up at the door
I can't be bothered, I don't read 'em no more
The flowers are blooming, that you planted last spring
I can't make much sense out of anything

If I could kidnap an angel, I'd clip off his wings
And bring them to you that would fix everything

I get in the car like I do every day
Wondering how in the world did it turn out this way?
It's just 'round the corner, turn left and I'm there
I'd do anything to be anywhere but here

If I could kidnap an angel, I'd clip off his wings
And bring them to you that would fix everything
If I could kidnap an angel he could teach us to fly
We'd live forever, forever, we'd never die
If I could kidnap an angel

Now the parking attendant knows my first name
These long green hallways all look the same
There's four elevators, one goes to that floor
I brace myself when I get to the door
I close my eyes and take a deep breath
Then sit down beside your hospital bed

If I could kidnap an angel, I'd clip off his wings
And bring them to you that would fix everything
If I could kidnap an angel he could teach us to fly
We'd live forever, forever, we'd never die
If I could kidnap an angel, if I could kidnap an angel

He'd say the word, he'd tear down these walls
People laughing like children through these hospital halls
There'd be no more tears, there'd be no more blood
There'd be nothing but smiles, nothing but love
If I could kidnap an angel, if I could kidnap an angel

 

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He doesn't sleep a wink, and she is pretty restless herself.  Jon had finally had enough of tossing and turning, so he got up and went for a run himself.  Running always helped him clear his head and he could always work out a problem, if he ran with it.  It was 5:00am and he had three hours until they had to be at the hospital.  He ran 10 miles in record time and made it back to the house when Beth was just getting out of the shower. 

 

Walking into the bathroom as she steps out of the open shower, he says, "Good morning, gorgeous."  Stopping, he kisses her lips.  She isn't having a good morning, she isn't doing too well and she wraps her arms around him.  He drops his ball cap on the floor and embraces her, tightly.  "Are you okay?"

 

She doesn't respond, she just holds him.  Her clean body against his sweaty body, she didn't care.  She needed him to hold her.  She needed the power that he had over her heart, he was always able to make her feel a little better.  Always.  "Babe, talk to me."  With his hand, he lifts chin and she sees that she has been crying.  He grabs a towel off the towel rod and wraps it around her backside.  "Come on, let's get you dried off."  And he leads her into the bedroom.  She sits on the foot of the bed, pulling the towel around the rest of her.  Stopping, her hands rest on her belly. 

 

"I went into their room."

 

Sitting next to her, he puts his arm around her and pulls her closer to him.  She rests her head on his shoulder.  Jon asks her, "Why didn't you wait for me?"

 

"I don't know.  I thought I could handle it."

 

"What did you go in there for?"

 

"I wanted to look at their little clothes.  We need to pick what they will be buried in.  I just wanted to look." And she sobs.  "I want my babies."

 

He kisses her head and doesn't know what to say.  He shares her devastation and feels terrible for her.  This isn't the way it's supposed to be. 

 

He lets her cry as long as she wanted to cry.  He knows that his love and support will get her through most of this.  He already has everything planned and in place for when the girls are transported to New Jersey.  A few phone calls to the local attorney and Jon really didn't have to do much.  The only problem that Peter had to deal with, was the girls flying on the Bon Jovi plane and going through regular security instead of cargo security.  The Bongiovi girls were not going to be treated like cargo.  They will be on his plane, with him and their mommy.

 

About 20 minutes passes and Beth was finally able to gather her composure.  She got up and got dressed, even though she didn't want to.  She cried with every movement, and sobbed with each thought.  Jon remained close, but not to close.  He's gotten real good at reading her over the last couple of days.

 

Jon drives to the hospital and they both drag their feet as they enter the outpatient surgery wing of the hospital.  Being spotted wasn't even a thought to either one of them.  The paparazzi and his fans are the last of their concerns.  They go in, Beth checks in and it's just a few minutes before they are called back.  Jon walks on step behind her with one hand on her shoulder and her bag in his other hand.  Beth is walking, cradling her belly with tears running from her eyes.  She slows down and waits fro Jon to catch up.  "I feel like I'm being led to death row."  He grabs her and walks with her, holding her close and holding her tight.

 

"We're gonna get through this babe, I promise."

 

"I know.  I just can't believe it's happening.  I did everything right, Jon.  I cut out all of my bad habits, picked up new ones, quit my job - everything I was supposed to do."

 

"I know."

 

"You believe me, don't you?  Do you think I caused this?"

 

"Oh my God Beth, no.  I don't think that at all.  I know you, honey.  I know you did everything right."

They arrive at her post op suite and she is told to take everything off and put the hospital gown on.  The nurse gets a set of vitals and makes sure that she is comfortable.  "Miss Adams, would you like a little bit of Valium, to take the edge off?"  And she asks a little shy, because she is in front of JBJ. 

Beth declines the Valium and the nurse tells her, "Okay, the doctor and the anesthesiologist will be in in just a few minutes to explain your procedure.  Can I get you anything?"

"A glass of Pinot would be great." Beth replies.  The nurse didn't find that too funny, so she looks at Jon, "Can I get you anything, sir?"

He chuckles, "A glass of Pinot."  Holding up his hand, "I'm kidding, but thank you though."  And she dismisses herself.

Jon moves close to Beth in her bed, "Can I get in there with you?"

Beth smiles and says, "Absolutely." And she slides over a little bit.  Jon sits down with her, grabbing her hand.  He can feel his feeling bubbling to the surface, but he needs to ask her some questions before they are separated.

"Do you know what they are going to do?" he had avoided asking the specifics of the procedure, although he did do some Internet research on it.

"I do.  Do you?" she feels bad suddenly, because they never had this conversation.  She just assumed he knew?

He admits, "I did look it up on the Internet and I think I understand it.  Where I'm having some confusion is what they are going to do with Spencer and Rowan." 

Her heart beat increases and she's feeling a little flushed.  Her anxiety is peaking because these are questions that she doesn't have answers for.  She hates not having all the answers.  "I guess I really don't know.  I didn't even think about that.  We can ask the doctors when they come in."

"Okay.  And another question I may have, for the doctors, is can I see them?" she can hear the lump in his throat and he tries very hard to get those words out.  He wants nothing more than to see his daughters, to touch them, to kiss them goodbye.

She reaches over and grabs him.  It's his turn now.  With his head on her breast and a hand on her belly, he's able to mumble, "Beth, I am so sorry.  So sorry that you are going through this.  I am so sorry if any of what went on before you left had anything to do with it.  I am so so sorry, baby."

"Hey, hey. Honey, this has nothing to do with all of that shit that happened in the past.  Stop thinking like that."  She runs her fingers through his hair and holds him tight.  She could see that this is his time, his time to let it go.

There was a knock on the door, just before it opened.  The doctor and the anesthelogist walked in and introduced themselves.  Jon extended his hand, as did Beth.  The procedure, as well as recovery was explained to them and then they asked if they had questions.  Jon spoke up first.

"How long will I be away from her?"

Doctor Barnes, OB surgeon, told Jon "The procedure only takes about 20 minutes, once it's started.  But from when we take her back to when you can see her in recovery could be as little as 45 minutes.  We can get you as soon as she's out of surgery."

Jon nods, he's okay with that answer. 

Beth pipes up and says, "We want to take our daughters to New Jersey for burial, what will you do to them here and when can we see them?" 

Dr. Barnes clears his throat a little bit and looks at her chart.  "Well, it's noted here that you do not want an autopsy, is that correct?"

"That's correct." Beth replies.  "But I was told that you could take blood samples from the girls and the cord to possibly determine what went wrong?  Is that correct?"

"Yes, that's correct.  We can tell alot from cord blood."

"That's what we want.  We also want to see them, when can we do that?" Beth tells them.

"As soon as you are awake and can keep some juice and crackers down, we can have you taken downstairs to see them. But be prepared."

"We are." Jon blurts.  "Can we have a few minutes doc?"


"Of course.  The techs will be in to get you in a few minutes to take you back.  Beth, any allergies?"

She shakes her head no,, and the doctor adds, "We'll see you back there."  And the doctor leaves.

Jon stands and faces her.  Reaching for her belly, he starts to rub it.  "I wish it was a genie lamp and I had three wishes."

"Me too."

"Beth, we will get through this and get them home to Jersey. They will have the most beautiful service ever."

Another knock on the door, and in walks Mrs. Bongiovi.  She sees Beth in the bed, her baby bump and her son that has been crying.  Immediately, she walks to Beth and hugs her.  "I'm so sorry Beth.  How are you doing?"

"Hi mom." Beth says.  "I'm doing as well as can be expected."  Mrs B then turns her attention to her son.

"How are you doing son?" she starts to tear up looking at him.  She has never seen him so tired, sad and beaten down.

"Good, ma." And he hugs her. 

"What happened?" she asks.

Beth doesn't want to hear it, so she excuses herself to empty her bladder.  She can hear them talking, but it goes in one ear and out the other.  A moment later, Jon appears in the bathroom.  Beth still has her gown lifted and she's looking in the mirror.  Her baby bump will be gone in just a little while and she'll be left with an empty uterus, empty arms and a broken heart.  He puts his hands on his babies and the love of his life.  Soon, there will only be one.

They come for Beth and they say their goodbyes.  Mrs B falls apart, and Jon is not far behind.  "I'll see you soon.  I love you." Jon kisses her like it's his first and his last kiss and they wheel Beth out.  But before she leaves, he hands her the song that he wrote earlier.