Water Ch. 163 - Wild Is The Wind That Takes Me Away From You

 

The anesthesia took a while to wear off and Beth was having trouble waking up. 

She could hear alarms, people talking, carts being moved and someone calling her name.  "Beth."  She hears it coming from her right side.  She can hardly open her eyes, much less move her head.  She couldn't fight it, she fell back asleep, only to be woken by someone calling her name again.  "Beth." 

This time the person calling her name is shaking her.  "Come on babe, wake up."  She rolls her head toward the voice that she hears calling her name, trying to open her mouth to talk.  It's like her mouth has been glued shut.  Jon can see that she's trying to talk, so he reaches and gets her a moistened mouth swab.  "Here, try this."  And he sticks the swab in her mouth.  She squints and makes a face at the taste, but is thankful for the moisture. 

 

Jon tries to wake her for almost an hour before she is able to open her eyes and keep them open.  When he sees that she is finally awake, he kisses her forehead and says, "Hey there sleepy head.  How are you doing?" 

 

She lifts her head, put her hands on her belly and sees the baby bump is gone.  Jon can see the look of loss on her face as soon as she seen they were gone.  "Did you see them, Jon?  Did you see them?"

 

He nodded his head no, and tells her, "No, I wasn't going to without you.  How are you feeling?  Can I get you anything?"  He sits on the edge of the bed with her and takes her hand.

 

"I want to see my daughters."

He brushes the hair back off of her face and tells her, "As soon as you eat something, we can go see them.  Doc wants you to eat."

"I don't want to eat!  I want to see my daughters!!"  she sits up in bed and acts as if she is going to get up.

"Hey, you're still hooked up to all of your monitors and you have a catheter in.  Please lay back and relax.  I'll go find a nurse."  He begs her, with his hand on the top of her head.  "Stay here, I'll be right back."

"Okay, hurry."  Jon walks off and goes to get a nurse, but he came back with her doctor.  She sees him and is ready to convince him to let  her go see the babies.

"How are you feeling, Beth?"  The doctor asks her.  "What would you rate your pain at?"

She looks at him with a half cocked smile and tells him, "I really don't have alot of pain.  Kind of like a mild cramp.  Can we go see our babies now?"

"Were you able to eat and keep it down?"

"I'm not hungry, doctor.  I want to go see my daughters.  Now!"  Beth is getting upset.  She's a grown woman and no one knows her body like she does.  "Can you have a nurse come take this cath out, please?"

"I will, but you'll have to go down in a wheel chair.  No walking until you eat.  Deal?"

She nods her head yes, and says "Deal."

"Let me tell you about your surgery, before you head downstairs.  The procedure was flawless.  The babies showed no obvious defect or deformity, at all.  We have sent baby blood and cord blood out for testing already, because we seen no apparent reason for them to not be viable." he takes a deep breath and pauses, letting Jon and Beth take it all in.  He then continues with "They are pale and they will be cold.  Stay with them as long as you like.  When you are finished, I need you back up here, okay?"

Jon says, "Okay."

"Alright." says Beth. "Please go get the nurse."  And that's all the goodbye that the doctor needed. 

A few minutes later the nurse came in to take out Beth's catheter.  Jon is at her side, holding her hand and he can tell that she is very anxious.  She wants the cath out and she wants it out now.  The nurse drains the saline from the balloon and slowly eases the catheter out.  When she's finished, she wipes Beth off and tells her, "Your bleeding has increased.  Please stay off your feet.  I'll go get you a chair.  I'll be right back."  Covering Beth back up, she exits the room to go get a wheelchair.

"Jon, is anyone here?"

"My mom is, do you want me to go get her?" he replies with a swiftness.

"No, that's okay.  She won't get upset if we take too long will she?  Does she want to see them?"  Beth asks him, not knowing the answer.  They never discussed it. 

Jon has to be honest with her, that's one promise he made God when they took Beth back for surgery.  He promised God that he would always be honest with her, regardless of the outcome or the affect it will have on her.  "She did mention that she did, but if you're not okay with it - she'll be fine."

"No, no she can see them, hon.  But I want us to see them first, alone.  Is that okay?"  Just then, the nurse walks in with a wheel chair covered in pads.  Beth works her way over to the edge of the bed and the nurse helps her get in.

Jon tells her, "Ma will be fine."

"Do you want me to take you  down?"  The nurse asks them.

Beth looks back at Jon and says, "No, I think we can make it, right Jon?"

"We'll make it." 

"I'm so sorry for your loss.  Take your time.  If you start to feel more pain, please come back up so we can give you something.  Or if you feel your flow increase, come right back up."  And she excuses herself.

Beth is in the wheelchair waiting for Jon to start pushing her down the hallway.  He had another thought.  He sat on the edge of the bed, so that they are eye to eye.  He is really worried about what this is going to do to each of them.  To look at their dead daughters.  It's an image that he can't unsee, if it's too upsetting.  "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She reaches over and takes his hand.  The tears in his eyes take her breath away and they make her start to cry.  "Jon, you gave me angel wings.  Our daughters are waiting for us.  They want to see us before the go to the other side."  And that makes him cry even harder.  She wheels herself closer and puts her arms around him and holds him, "I need to see them and I know I can't do it without you.  Will you please take me to them?"  Her anxiety is getting worse and she has  less than zero patience now.

He straightens up, wipes his eyes and nose and says, "I'm ready."  He stands up, takes her face in his hands, kisses her and says, "Our girls are waiting."

The walk down the hallway to the elevator was long.  Beth felt like they were going in slow motion.  She thinks to herself, I will never forget this.  The smells, the sounds and the grief that shadow this hallway.

At the doorway to the morgue, Jon kneels beside her and takes her hand.  She has tears running down her face and he can see that her heart is about to break the rest of the way.  All he can do is look at her, he is at a loss for words.  She reaches up and puts her arm around his neck.  Head to head, she says "I need to do this.  If it's too much for you, stay here." she kisses his forehead and starts to stand.

 Placing a hand on her shoulder, he tells her "I can do this.  I have to do this."

The room is dimly lit, freezing cold and the smell is unexplainable.  They can see on the other side of the room, two little bumps on the stainless steel table, covered with baby blankets.  They both gasp.  She reaches for his hand and he anxiously grabs it back.  They both are crying and frozen in place, neither can move another muscle. 

For what felt like an eternity, they both were frozen in time.  Beth finally snapped out of it and stood up and walked over to her daughters, her babies - God's Angels.  She pulls the blanket back off of Spencer first and then Rowan.  They both were swaddled in receiving blankets underneath the blanket that covered their faces.

Looking at their little faces, she can only smile and cry tears of peace.  Their little faces are perfect. They both had Jon's nose and Jon's lips - soft and delicate.  Their have a fair amount of blond hair and Beth can tell that whoever gave them a bath, did so knowing that their parents would be seeing them.  Beth bends over and kisses both of them on the lips and says, "Hi baby girls."  And she can't keep it together, anymore.  Jon sees that she is teetering on the edge and takes his place at her side.  He's crying and shaking, but he can't help himself.  He reaches down and gently picks up Spencer.  He's cradling her in his arms and he's still crying, but he brings her to his lips and he kisses her.  First her forehead, her nose, each cheek and then on her lips. 

He says, "Hey baby girl."  and he kisses her again.  Beth picks up Rowan and has to sit back down.  She's light headed and doesn't want anything to happen.  With Rowan in her arms and Spencer in Jon's, they look at each other and at the same time say, "They look just like you."  They giggled for a second and Jon loved to see the smile on Beth's face, even though it's a glimpse.

Beth didn't like the way that Rowan was wrapped, so she laid her on her lap and started to rewrap her.  While Rowan was on her lap, Jon reached over and touched her little hand, with a smile on his face.  He can see that she, just like her sister, is perfect.  They both looked her over, from head to toe.  Jon said, "She has all her little fingers and toes."

 

With Rowan wrapped the way Beth thought that she needed to be, she asked Jon, "How does Spencer's blanket look?  Is she cold?"  Jon quickly looked up at Beth like she was asking a serious question and Beth only meant, is she wrapped right. 

 

Jon looked at the way that Spencer was wrapped and he decided she needed to be wrapped a little snugger too.  When he unwrapped her, he seen she had all her fingers and toes too, as well as the exact same birth mark as Beth.  "Babe, she has your birthmark."

 

"Rowan has your mole, look." and she points to the tiny mole that Rowan has on the right side of her nose, on her cheek - just like Jon. 

 

(Wasn't able to size the pic.  I added it with my phone.  Sorry)

 

 

They look at one another and for a split second they are a happy family.  They have their daughters and they are together.  Then the reality of it all set in for both of them.  Beth  starts to cry so hard, she can hardly breathe.  Jon went to her, and handed her Spencer.  He knows that she needs to hold both of them, she needs them in her arms.  Beth kissed each one several times, over and over and just kept saying, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."  She buried her face between there little faces and told Jon, "I can't let them go.  I just can't."

He figured it would get this bad and he didn't have a plan in action.  He did what his heart told him to do.  He knelt down beside her, put one arm around her and fussed with is babies.  Running a finger up and down Rowans cheek, putting his finger on Rowans nose and telling Beth, "Honey, they are in heaven now."  Leaning over, he kissed the babies and then he kisses their mother.  "They are at peace now."

Beth can only look at him.  She's wondering, what were they before they passed?  If not at peace?

"Can I hold Rowan?"

Nodding, while crying, she hands baby Rowan to her daddy.  Jon looks at her face and can't help but cry.  He sees the mole that she has on her cheek, just like he does.  These tears are of pride, his baby girl has his mole.  He gently kisses the little girl, noticing that she is a little bit smaller than Spencer and he tells Beth that.  "I think Spencer is the big sister.  Rowan is a little bit smaller."

"Jon, they are perfect.  Just perfect.  Look at their little hands, their little noses.  Look at all the hair that they have, for being blondes.  Why are we not taking them home with us in car seats?"

"We will find out what happened.  We'll get answers, but first things first babe; we need to get them home and to their final resting place.  They have alot of family waiting to see them, specially Stephanie.  When I told her the names you gave them, she cried.  She couldn't believe that you named her little sister after her.  She really wants to see them.  So does my mom."

"Oh, Jon go get her.  I forgot she was here.  Go. Go." 

"In a little while.  Let it just be us for now."  He touches her reaches over and touches her hand.  "I don't want to let them go."

Wild Is The Wind

http://youtu.be/sL8Yy6K7z3c