Water Ch. 167 - Through These Dark Clouds, You Are The Light

Beth didn't want to get into the limousine.  She didn't want to go to the cemetery.  It was a beautiful fall morning and there was a calm in the air.  Jon, the kids and her are in the limo in the front of the procession.  They had no idea how many cars were lined up on the streets to follow them or how many fans lined both sides of the street and part of the route to the cemetery. 

The kids were quiet, Beth thought that maybe they could feel the tension and the sadness.  She wanted to interact, she wanted to break the silence, but she couldn't.  She was taking her babies to be one with the earth and nothing felt good about that.  She is having a hard time with the reality of it all.  Jon has her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.  She looks at him and winks, trying to put on a happy face.  She turns her head to go back to looking out the window.  The people along the streets with flowers and signs that say Our Deepest Sympathies, We'll Be There For You Jon and various other things.  Beth wants to look through them, Beth wants it all to be over.  The funeral procession was reported to be five miles long.

Pulling up to the site, Beth sees that it is surrounded by all the flowers that were at the house.  There are a minimal number of chairs, next to the small hole that had been dug into the ground.  The mound of dirt had been covered by artificial grass and the site was quite pretty.  When the car stopped, the driver got out and ran to open Beth's door.  She waved him away, "I'm not ready.  Thank you."  And he closed the door.  He then went to the other side and let the kids out.  The kids hop out and they were greeted by and taken over by grandma.  Jon and Beth remained in the car, while the guests found themselves a chair and took a seat. 

Two men from the cemetery had removed the casket from the limo and placed it on ground next to the hole.  Beth looked out the window and seen that and she was suddenly sick to her stomach.  Jon could see that she is having trouble.  With his hand on her leg, he says, "We have to do this babe.  We need to let them go.  They are angels now.  They need to be put to rest."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Jon, no I can't."

"I'll be right there next to you.  We are surrounded by our family and friends, those that love us.  They will help us get through this.  But we need to do this for Rowan and Spencer."

Beth looks out the window and sees that all of the chairs are taken, with the exception of theirs.  It was standing room only and there were many that were standing.  Beth could see the Governor, the Mayor, Sister Mary, the band, Matt and Tony and even a few people from Deloitte.  She smiled when she seen Tammy.  She wondered when she would see Tammy.  And as she looked closer, in the back, tucked out of the way, she seen Amanda.  Her best friend, oh she was so happy to see her.

Mustering the courage, she grabs her handkerchief out of her purse and exits the back of the limo.  Jon is right next to her, they are arm in arm.  As soon as everyone seen them coming, all went quiet. 

Taking their places, Jon and Beth sat down and Jon gave the signal for the priest to begin the service.  He had been given information from Dawn, Jon's assistant, about the passing of the twins and he performed a beautiful service.  Her christened the girls and sent their souls to go be with God, to watch over mom and dad, as well as their siblings. 

It was Jon who spoke next.

I stand before you as a dad, not a rock star and I stand before you a broken man.  Spencer and Rowan were a wish, but two came true.  Beth and I were thrilled when we learned that we were expecting, and as you can imagine - that thrill was doubled when we learned that they were twins.  These little girls are with God now, and it doesn't lessen our pain or even ease our grief at this moment.  We can only imagine the happiness that they would have brought to the world, with the precious smiles and hearts full of innocence, now we place them in the hands of God and know that they are safe.  As parents, you can never prepare for a loss like this, you can only go through it as you go.  There is no wrong way, or right way; it all comes down to the hearts way.  Beth and I grieve the loss of these two beautiful babies and will remember them as we see them now.  Holding one another, sharing a love and a bond that even death can't break.

When we found out that they had passed, I flew to Beth's side as fast as I could.  She was in LA and I was here.  We spent four of the longest days of our lives together, and alone.  We made it through that, and we'll make it through this.  She is an amazing woman and I am honored, wait no, I am lucky to have her in my life.  She handled this whole heartbreaking situation with such grace and dignity and I know that if it wasn't for her, I never would have made it through. 

For four days, she walked around with Rowan and Spencer in her belly, knowing they were gone  - yet she continued to do every thing that she could have for them.  She had her moments and some were very hard, but she pulled threw and drug me through with her.  She was my rock.

Rowan and Spencer have left their mother and I cracked, but we are not broken.  We will honor their memory and our love for them every day in everything that we do.  And we ask that you do the same.  These little girls came into our life for a reason and they also left our lives for a reason...

And he steps down.  Stopping at the casket, he leans over and kisses his daughters goodbye.  The tears that fall from his cheek to their cheeks, he leaves there.  Wanting them to take a piece of him with them. 

When he sits, there isn't a dry eye in sight and he could hear his mother sobbing, two chairs over from them.  He looked at Beth the entire time that he spoke and with each word he said, another tear drop would fall.  His heart breaks a little more each time he sees her cry. 

The Priest stands back up and asks, "Is there anyone else that would like to speak?"   Looking over the crowd that sat before him.  Stephanie Rose stood up, and made her way in front of everyone. 

"I would like to say something."  And the priest steps out of her way.  Stephanie is dressed in a little black dress and she has a red rose in her hand.  She looks at her dad and Beth and says, "Dad, Beth - Rowan and Spencer are with God now and I know they are watching us.  They don't want to see us all cry because they are gone, they want us to celebrate that they were here.  Please don't cry, please." Holding up the rose, that's tied with Baby's Breath and a ribbon, she tells them, "The lady at the flower shop said this is Baby's Breath, when you see this, make a wish and blow it up to heaven, remembering Spencer Rose and Rowan Carol.  Don't be sad.  They will catch your wish."  Beth can't keep her cry quite anymore.  She starts to ball and Jon puts an arm around her, pulling her tight.  With her head down and her hanky on her face, she feels a hand touch her left shoulder.  Startled by that, she looks to her left and sees Stephanie.  Stephanie bends over and gives Beth a hug, adding her dad into it.  She whispers to Beth, "Thank you."   And that shocks Beth.  Thank you?

Beth looks to the young woman and asks, "Thank you?  for what?"

"For giving me two beautiful sisters."  Jon grabs Stephanie and has her sit on his lap.  Daddy's little girl started to cry, because she was finally seeing her dad cry. 

Matthew and Anthony lowered the casket into the ground, placing their nieces in their final resting place.  Both when were torn up and crying, but they knew they needed to do this for Jon, and for Beth.  Once they are lowered and the ribbons are removed, it's time to place flowers and fill the grave.  Everyone is waiting for Jon and Beth to stand.  Beth is unable to.  Between the tears and the weakness that she feels, she doesn't want to get up.  She whispers to Jon, "Tell them to go ahead.  I'm not ready."  She knows that the custom of filling the grave dates back to long ago, and it's symbolizes that I love you enough, I buried you with my own hands - not leaving you to strangers. "I'm not ready." 

Jon gives the crowd the signal to go ahead and pay their respects.  And they did.  One by one, they all stopped at Jon and Beth, offering condolences and support.  Some threw flowers into the hole and some dropped in handfuls of dirt.  When everyone was gone, it was just Jon and Beth.  Sitting there, while the cemetery workers picked up the chairs and placed the flowers in position, so they could cover the hole once Jon and Beth left. 

"Babe, we gotta go.  It's getting late."

Beth looks at him and hasn't one thought.  Her mind is blank, she doesn't know what to do.  He takes her hand and stands up, giving her a gentle pull.  She stands up and is a little wobbly.  She's been sitting for hours, and no food in her stomach.  Jon sees that she is unsteady and puts his arm around her, "Let's get you home and into bed."  And he tries to lead her away from the grave.  She's like lead, she doesn't budge.

"I have to say goodbye." she whispers.  She kneels down on the graveside, with the rose that Stephanie had - tears streaming down her face.  She gently drops the rose into the hole and tells the girls, "Your daddy never let me say goodbye to him and he never said goodbye to me, we always say until next time.  So to you, my beautiful angels, until next time.  I hope I see you in my dreams, because you will be in my every thought and prayer.  You will always be in my heart and I can't wait until the day that I see your smiling faces.  You are in God's hands now.

Jon bends over and puts his hands on her shoulders, helping her to stand up.  He could hardly contain his own grief, and to hear her talk so calm and so at peace, made his heart bleed even more.  Why would God do this to her?  She deserved to be a mother, she would have been a great mother. 

They walk to the limo, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder.  She kept looking back with quiet tears, and she thought that she was the only one that could hear her heart break, with each step they took away from the grave.  "We're going to get through this Beth."

The Distance

http://youtu.be/C6BJJgk9YAg