Water Ch. 172 - I Can Realize The Danger When Foregiveness Fades Away

 

"What was going on with you earlier?" he asks her, pouring her the first glass of wine she has had since she found out she was pregnant.

 

"I told you, nothing.  Why do you keep asking me that?" she takes the glass and downs it.  "Yummy!"

 

"I know you Beth, I could hear it in your voice.  Something was bothering you today, what was it?" he asks as her pours her another glass of Pinot. 

 

"Thank you.  It's nothing, let it go." she takes another sip of her wine.  Jon makes his way around and sits next to her on the couch.  The two of them sit there together and drink their wine, unable to keep their hands off of one another.  They both missed the playfulness that they used to have.  It seems that death threats and constant obstacles can steal that from a relationship. 

 

He has to ask, "Are we okay?" 

 

"Why do you ask that?  Of course we're okay.  Stop being silly, please.  If we weren't okay, would I have come up here early?  I missed you, I wanted to see you.  We're great!  Aren't we?" she had to ask that.  Was he setting her up for a conversation, if so - she needed more wine.

 

He leans over and kisses her, parting her lips with his tongue.  He takes her glass out of her hand and sets it on the table.  Picking her up, he brings her over to onto his lap.  He loves that she's so petite and small, he can move her as if he's moving a doll.  "You know I love you, right."

 

Kissing his forehead, and rubbing is neck with both hands, she says, "Yes, I do."

 

"And you know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?"  He looks up at her, with a look like he may have something to tell her.  She was getting a little worried now.

 

"What's going on?" she asks him.

 

"I want to talk about when you left, in New York." he admits to her, but he isn't sure how she is going to feel about it. But he has to get it out there, and if they can talk about it; great.  If not, then maybe another time.  They were on a mini vacation and he didn't want to ruin that.

 

"Okay, let's talk.  You first." she responds.

 

"Why did you leave?  Why did you just get out of the car and leave?"

 

"That was a tough time for me Jon.  My first instinct was flight, to save myself and my babies.  What Dorothea did, really did a number on me."  She slides off of his lap, sideways and takes her spot back on the couch.  But she always has to be touching him in someway or another.  She puts her legs across his and he starts to rub her legs.  "I was a basket case, on the inside.  It seemed that everywhere I turned, someone was trying to take something away from me." 

 

"Babe, I understand that, I really do.  But why didn't you let me help you work through it ,with you?"

 

"Have we met?  Hi, my name is Beth Adams" and like a smart ass she extends her hand.  "I deal with things better on my own.  That shouldn't be a shock to you at all."

 

"But, I'm sick of you running at the first sign of trouble.  I needed you then, just like I need you now.  I feel like you robbed me of those weeks that you were in LA and I was in Jersey.  I should have been with you for the ultrasound, the day you found out they were gone."  And here the truth comes out. 

 

"Jon, I can't change what happened.  I can only work at doing better with my emotions and letting you in.  But I can't go back in time.  I called you as soon as I needed you, Jon.  The moment that I needed you."

 

"Thank you for that, but why do you close me out at the first sign of trouble?  You leave me and when you leave me, you leave the kids.  My kids love you Beth, love you to death.  They were torn up when you left too.  And that I had to deal with." he's pretty matter of fact about it. 

 

"Jon, like I said, I can only work on the problem.  I can't undo what's already been done.  I got scared, I felt overwhelmed and I really felt alone.  You had the kids and Dot to worry about, I needed to worry about me and the twins."  She downs her second glass of wine and gets up to get the bottle.

 

"Slow down with that.  You haven't drank in weeks.  WE haven't drank in weeks."

 

"You haven't had any wine or anything alcoholic?"

 

"No, I promised I would wait until I could drink with you and that's what I did.  I waited for you."

 

"You're such a sweetheart.  I love you so much!"  she means it.  She really loves him.  With the half full bottle of Pinot, she takes her spot next to him, pouring herself another glass and adding to his.

"What happens when something happens again?  Are you going to run off?" he asks with the intent of getting a straight answer. 

"Come on Jon, do we really have to go over this again and again?  I have had enough drama to last me a lifetime.  Can we just enjoy our time together?"

Getting up off the couch, in an animated state, he says, "Yes Beth, yes we can.  As soon as you can somehow convince me that you won't disappear again at the first fucking hiccup we encounter."

"Are you kidding me right now?  Are you fucking kidding me, did you just refer to recent events as a hiccup?"  She is now standing and the two of them are face to face.  "A fucking hiccup?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Than what did you mean, Jon?"

"Are you going to run away when shit gets a little heavy, like you have done every other time?  That's what I meant, Beth."  She can see the tension in his jaws, the skin covering his temples is moving, as if he's flexing his jaw.

"Well, let me see Jon - you disappear one night and I find out you slept at Dot's.  Maybe I over reacted there, but seriously.........fell asleep on the couch and she answers your phone?  Did I over react when she threatened my life, and the life of my unborn children?"  She exhales hard, exhausted by the whole conversation.  "Am I over reacting when I'm pissed off that you're still married to her and have not mentioned a divorce in weeks?  She's been out of the hospital, and I assume no longer under the supervision of her shrink?"

His jaw drops.  He's seeing a side of her that he's not seen in a very long time.  She is pissed and she is letting him know. 

Walking away from him, and toward the patio door, she asks quite loudly, "I know you're still using Peter as an attorney, so why have there been no divorce proceedings Jon?  Do you realize that the loss of our daughters is saving you TONS of money from that stupid ass post nuptial you signed?  Do you realize that we have been through hell and back together and my last name is still Adams?" 

The mention of the financial saving was like venom to Jon.  He felt that was hitting below the belt, and he defends himself, "Do you really think I care about that?  Do you think that I'm happy about that?  Jesus Beth, I haven't given that another thought since I told you about it.  Money means shit to me, you know that."

"I know you hate to part with Jon."

"What the hell is going on with you?" he asks, scared to hear her answer.

"There is nothing going on with me, other than I grieve for my daughters, I walked away from a career and I'm in love with a man that doesn't love me enough to marry me.  Need I go on."

"Yeah.  Where did this yank for marriage come from?" he's puzzled, because that's a word that neither of them had mentioned in weeks, along with divorce.

"Is Peter working a divorce settlement for you, or not?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't told him to go forward with it."

"Why" she screams at him.

Taking a step toward her, he wants to hold her, but she puts her hands up in front of her and gives him a look.  He stops and says, "Because we have been busy with other things Beth.  We buried our daughters."

"Weeks ago."

He feels defeated and not sure what to do next.  He knows that he opened this subject, he needs to make it right, and in a hurry.

"Do you want me to call him now?" he will do it, if that's what she wants.  He didn't want her to come and be with him on the road if she was going to be miserable the entire time.

"No, what I wanted was for you to have done it with out prompting from me.  We have spent the last few weeks together, nonstop, and can you honestly tell me that a divorce or the fact that you're still married to Dot never entered your mind?"

"Not once.  I can honestly tell you that I feel in my heart that we are married.  I don't even look at or consider her my wife.  Why are we just now talking about marriage?"

She shifts her weight and stands a little straighter, with her hands on the small of her back.  She suddenly flashes back to the kiss that she shared with Richie earlier in the day and that gives her a distraction, if only for a second.

"Forget I mentioned it." And she goes back to her glass of Pinot that she left on the table.  With that in hand, she plops back down on the couch.  "We have plenty of time to discuss it.  I'm hungry."

Jon stands there and looks at her like she had just grown a second head.  "Forget you mentioned it?  Now who is kidding who?" he blurts out as he walks toward the couch, grabbing an extra bottle of Pinot from the mini fridge on the way.

"It's really not worth arguing over Jon.  Let's just bury it for now, okay."

"No, we aren't dropping it.  You're upset about it, we need to talk about it."

"I'm done talking about it, Jon." she says in a tone that pisses him off even more.  "This all started because you're worried I'm going to run away when things get heavy again - yet, you can't commit to me, without ME reminding YOU."

He sits there, looking at a woman he barely recognizes. He's wondering what has happened, why hasn't she mentioned it before now?

Beth reaches into her purse that was on the end table, digging for her cell phone.  When she finds it, she scrolls down the contact list, selecting her contact, she texts Why can't he ever let anything go? SEND

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