Water Ch. 14 - Wild Is The Wind

(Circa 2011)

Not quite sure what to do with the teal green Tiffany bag, Beth just sits there and looks at it.  Wondering, when did he drop this in my bag?  She is dying to see what's inside, but she just can't look right now.  She doesn't want to know, because knowing means more than she wants to admit.




She has never felt more alone than she does right now.  She just spent time with the love of her life, seen the kids that she loves with all of her heart, had amazing sex and now she's in N.Y.C. alone.  She wondered if Jon was back in the city, if he went back to the Hampton's or if he was in Red Bank.  She couldn't think about that, about him.  It's too easy for her to go down that self destructive path again, it would be too easy for he to be with him again.  She needed to do something, the anxiety was killing her.  She decided she would go for a run.  It was early enough yet, she'll be okay.  She gets dressed for a run, grabbed her arm band for her iphone, her key and out the door she went.  On the street, she put her ear buds in and jogged to the tune of Bon Jovi. She didn't want to go for a long run, she just needed to burn the excess energy and clear her head.  A quick little trip down to Battery Park and back does her a world of good. 

Arriving back home, she walks in and kicks of the Nike's and heads straight into the shower.  It felt so good.  The heat of the water and the burn in her muscles, she felt alive.  She felt great.  Out of the shower and in pajama's, she crabs the latest Patricia Cornwell novel and plops down on the couch. 

She struggles to keep her mind on the story line, but she just can't do it.  Her thoughts go back to the last couple of days, the things she wishes she had said and done and back to the things she can't believe she's done.  Deciding she wasn't going to get even one page read, she closes the book and goes into the kitchen.  Opening the fridge, realizing she hasn't been shopping in a while, there is nothing in there that even sounds good to her.  Hmmm, I'll order pizza.  I can eat that all weekend.

 

She closed the fridge and went to get her phone.  She had missed two calls from Jon and 3 texts.  She's glad that she didn't set her phone up with read receipts, so he doesn't know that she has read them.

 

Text 1 :Please call me.  Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

 

Text 2: Hello!  Give me a call when you get this.

 

Text 3: The last text was just a simple, I love you.

 

And the voicemail was all of the above.

 

She couldn't delete anything, her heart wouldn't let her.  She needed time, and in time she will delete them - but now is not that time. 

 

She starts to cry, so hard she has to sit down and let it out. Alone again, she had to deal with this heartbreak and even more unanswered questions. 

 

Why didn't he mention the divorce when he told me about the flooring?  Why did she always have to find out after the fact?  Why?  She laid there and cried herself to sleep that night, on his pillow that smelled like him.  The pillow she stole, the last 'thing' of Jon's that she had. (other than his shorts)

 

When she wakes up, she grabs her phone to look at the time.  She wasn't facing the alarm clock and her phone was right there.  Ten missed calls and ten texts.  She laid there and read them all, and each one seemed to read with a little more anger.  Jon was getting upset that he couldn't reach her.

 

She got up and put her slippers and robe on, it was chilly in her place.  She went out and made herself a pot of coffee then opened the blind to her terrace.  She didn't feel as bad today, maybe the cry and a good nights sleep is all she needed.  The sun is out and it's going to be a busy day in the Big Apple. 

She grabbed a cup of coffee, her cell phone and an ash tray and went out onto the terrace to sit in the sun.  She re-read all of Jon's texts and surfed through all the emails she had avoided for the last couple of days - nothing pressing or important. 

 

Pulling up her contacts, she selected Jon and called him.  She was prepared, she had her coffee and her nicotine - the only shield she needed.  Or so she thought. 

 

It rang only once.  He answered, "Are  you okay?  And that totally caught her off guard. 

 

"Good Morning, how are you?" she asked him.

 

"I have been worried sick about you, whey haven't you answered my calls or my texts?" he is sounding little frazzled.

 

"I needed some time to myself, that's all."

 

"Why did you leave?  You disappeared in the middle of the night."

 

"Jon, I left because I needed to leave.  I wanted to get home.  And put all of that behind me." she firmly tells him.

 

"Leave what behind, can you tell me what the fuck happened?  We were fine out at the Hampton's and then it was like a switch had been flipped.  What happened?" she can hear the Italian creeping up, it was going to get loud if she didn't give him the answer the right way.  That is the one thing she learned in her years with the rock star.  'HOW' to talk to him was often more important than what was being said. 

 

"When were you going to tell me you were getting a divorce?  Were you just going to let me find out through the media?" she questions, with sarcasm. 

 

"In my own defense, when we were together at the hotel, that was the last thought on my mind.  When we discussed flooring before we flew out there, I could have told you then - but then you wouldn't have gone out there and I know the boys would want to see you.  You heard me ask Dot where the boys were.  When was the next best time to tell you?  I wanted you with me and if you had known I was giving her the papers when we went out there, you wouldn't have gone." he gets all of that out on one breath.

"Can you imagine how you made Dorothea feel? You fly me out to the Hampton's with you to serve your wife divorce papers? I cannot imagine what she had thought. Look how we tricked her years ago and she probably is thinking the same thing now. Does she know that we've had no contact in two years, what was the reason for the divorce?" Beth has questions and she deserves answers.

"Where are you? Can I come to you? You know I hate talking on the phone"

"No Jon, you can't come to me. We can't do this, I can't do this!! You are STILL a married man and I drew a line two years ago. You are on the opposite side of that line. I had a weak moment and let you back in and now I'm left to deal with the heartbreak again! Heartbreak AGAIN Jon!!" now Beth is getting pissed. Not just at Jon, but at herself. Why was she doing this? Why is she giving him an explanation when he couldn't be bothered two years ago - when he walked out of her life and never looked back?
"Beth, you know I love you! You know that I have wanted no one but you since the day we met. Do you remember the day we met?" He asks, knowing she remembers every detail of the day they met. "I have not handled this the best way, I admit it - but baby, don't shut me out now. Not now." He goes quiet and he can hear sniffles on the other end of the phone. "Are you there Beth?"

"Yes, I'm here. I need to go though."

"Don't hang up, talk to me, please. Tell me what you're thinking, feeling. Just talk to me!" He pleads with her. If he can't be with her, he wants to talk to her.

"What I'm feeling? You want to know what I'm feeling Jon? I am gutted, I am so upset with myself I want to vomit. I am so mad at you for forcing yourself back into my life. You have not been fair. You have not considered the consequences of OUR actions over the past couple days.  You had no right to force yourself back into my life.  You should have just seen me in Red Bank walking back to my hotel and left me be.  I did that for you , I let you be when you wanted it.  WHY is everything so different when it comes to Jon fucking Bon Jovi?  What gives you the right?"  she is hysterical now, she cannot believe she let him and and gave him this much conrol over her again.  She wishes slamming the phone down had the affect that it used to, but with smart phones - the only satisfaction you get is pressing END.  She pressed end and tossed her phone on the table, and lit another cigarette. 

He didn't give up, he called three more times before accepting she wasn't going to answer the phone anymore.  So he sent her a simple text - I love you and I will find you.  We are meant to be together.

She went back inside and got another cup of coffee and a 3 day old banana.  She knows she needs to eat, medication on an empty stomach isn't a good thing.  She takes her medicine and goes back out on the terrace, soaks up a few more rays and decided she needed to go get groceries.  She needed to keep herself busy, so she keeps her mind off of Jon. She loved him so much, so deep, with every ounce of her being - her entire soul.  It was killing her to not be with him.  She wanted nothing more than to go to him, she knew he was still in Red Bank.  Thirty minutes Beth and you can be there, just 30 minutes.
Shaking that crazy thought off, she went in and took a shower.  She was going shopping.  Nothing that a little retail therapy can't fix, right?  Well, that's her thought anyway.  She puts on some jeans, a tshirt and wraps a hoodie around her waist, she always gets chilled in the air conditioned stores and to top off her tomboy ensemble, she put on a Bon Jovi baseball cap.  Grabbed her smaller Birkin, reusable grocery bags and out the door she went. 

When she arrived in the lobby of her building, the doorman says "Good Morning Miss Adams, how are you today?"  Beth liked Scott, she replied, "Good Morning Scott, I am fine how are you?'  He nods and says, "A-OK, Miss Adams have you seen this morning paper?"  What an odd question?  she stopped dead in her tracks and said, "No, why?"

"Well, you're in it ma'am."  Scott felt like he had just given her some bad news.  Beth walk over to the lobby counter and grabs the New York Post, and there she is, on the front page with the lead singer of Bon Jovi.

"OMG!" she blurts out load, while covering her mouth.
 
The headline "Bon Jovi Mistress Back, Divorce Papers Filed' and there were pictures of them leaving the Oyster Point and pictures of them on the patio of her hotel room.  OMG, this is bad.  This is really bad.  She's paralyzed.  She has no idea what to do.  Her picture is plain as day, anyone that knows her will now know that she has been with Jon.  The press is going to have a field day with this.  And her first clear thought is of the children and of Dorothea.  What am I going to do?

She decides he/this isn't going to control her life.  She has plans with herself for the day and she was going to follow through with them.  She walked down to Whole Foods and got as many groceries and bottles of Pinot she could carry in her grocery bags and went back home and put the stuff away.  The more she thought about that headline and that story, the angrier she got.  The pictures were of them holding hands walking to his car, them in his car, her on the patio in a loosely tied bathrobe and him in just his workout pants.  Bare chested - anyone with a brain will know what went on in that hotel room.  She can't have this affect her career or his relationship with his children.  There is one thing she needs to do - she needs to set the record straight.  Grabbing her purse, cell phone, charger and her sunglasses, she's out the door.  She is heading to the Hampton's to talk with Dot.  She needs Dot to know that she is not the reason for the divorce.  Dot needs to know that Beth WAS NOT in the picture when Jon filed.  This is what she had to do.

She went down to her car and embarked on her journey to the Hampton's.  Praying the entire time that Dot would be there and take the time to hear her out.